I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
