You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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