If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Where is the hickey?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
