What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
