The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
