Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
