I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
