living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
