So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
