I just cut my nipple shaving
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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