I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
