I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
