Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
