I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Randomize