i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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