okay pat passed out under dana's car
Barsexuality is the new black.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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