the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
