Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
