Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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