i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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