the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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