At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
