My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
