I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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