I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize