I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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