Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
