meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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