gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
