So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
