The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
