Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
