the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
