my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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