Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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