It was confusing and full of hummus
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
be right there i have to get my cape
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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