I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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