i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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