I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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