Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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