i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
