I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
