Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
there is glitter all over my balls
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
