help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
