Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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