Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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