the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
