She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize