you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
