My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
