I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
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