i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
