she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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