You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
