What did we do last night that was yellow?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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