I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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