Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
