what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
