Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
