once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
