if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
