Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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