She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
