Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
