I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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