we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
