alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
