I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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