My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize