I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
