So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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