Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
