awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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