gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
