So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
