I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
