I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
