for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
