when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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