the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
