Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
