For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
