she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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