I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am spending my child support on dildos
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
