sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize