Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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