69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
