I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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