If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
