I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
