Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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