i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
