My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
