It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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