Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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