i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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