soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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