Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
