How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
