brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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