sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
