Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
