Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
