You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
