1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
